Robert Goldstein Honors Me with The Creative Blogger Award

 

I’m thrilled, Robert Goldstein nominated me for The Creative Blogger Award. Robert advocates  for Mental Illness. He is a passionate artist, photographer, articulate and honest. Sharing his struggle with Mental Illness while providing support. If you haven’t visited his blog, I know you’ll enjoy his site.  Art by Robert Goldstein, http://www.robertmgoldstein.com.

The Rules:

* Display the Creative Blogger Award logo on your blog
* Nominate 15-20 blogs and let know all nominees via their social media/blogs
* Thank and post the link of the blog that nominated you (very important)
* Share 5 random facts about yourself to your readers
* Pass these rules on to them

Five Facts:  You will see I was born looking for trouble.

At 12 years, old I drove a friend of my fathers hot rod. He left the car at our house. I ask my dad first, hell no at top of lungs. Once he got on phone he would talk forever. I didn’t know how to drive. I grabbed the keys, drove the car around our street, came home and parked. I thought it was to far out in street, in my effort to correct, I jumped curb and hit fire hydrant. My dad did hear the bang, he ran out of house saying things I won’t repeat here.

My first motorcycle ride was at 9 years old. I was a biker from that day forward. The only problem was stepping off bike I burned back of leg on the hot pipes. The pain didn’t stop me from dreaming.

At 12 years old I was in two accidents while on bike, not big really. I was sitting on motorcycle high on acid. I started tripping and swore I was falling off. I was screaming for my friend. The scare wasn’t enough to stop acid. That’ a different story. The second time is funny now. We where on some type of drug and he was driving me home. He thought it would be funny by jumping over curb. It might have been funny if I hadn’t fallen off and hit head on concrete.

I learned to ride a bicycle at 4 years old. My dad was giving last advice before taking off. I was so proud I turned to see if Dad was looking, turning back running into telephone pole.

At 6 years old my brother got finger stuck in a can. In the old days there was the little piece that held the lid on. I thought how hard can it be to pull the can off his finger. Harder than I thought, his finger jammed, barely hanging on and almost lost a finger.

My Lyme Disease is getting worst, which means I’ll have more bad days. Thank you for standing behind me while I fight to get well.

Nominees:

Anyone who feels they have earned the award, please take and pass around.

The Rules to follow are in the middle of post.

XO  M

 

Dementia Induced Thoughts of Suicide

Reblogged from 2005

Being a caregiver to a dying loved one can leave you drained of emotion, exhausted and frustrated. All normal feelings. I felt quilt mixed in my bowl of emotions. I grew up knowing my grandparents wanted to die at home. I would grant the wish if possible. They inspired me, saved me from parental abuse and blessed me with unconditional love. I felt terrible helping my Gramps make difficult life decisions. I worked hard to remember she is my grandmother.

There were uncomfortable conversations, articulate to doctors how she is progressing and butt heads with family members. I ran a tight ship, no problems telling people it’s time to leave, not allowing people over everyday. God blessed me with the ability to turn my depression away and step up to next level. Love for my Granny drove my decisions down to the last morphine stick. It can get overwhelming at times. If you don’t have a an outlet, please take 10-15 minutes for yourself everyday. I started my blog to document what I was going thru, hoping someone could use the information. Blogging gave me an outlet. Caregivers choose to open their heart to the emotional and physical challenges. Granny died 10 years ago yet I’m crying like it was yesterday. I loved her so much, it hurts so deeply.

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Today I used one of four “in case of emergency” pills to keep my Grandmother from hurting herself during a dementia related meltdown brought on by my Gramps going to the grocery store. She’s had many meltdowns since her stroke almost two years ago. Today I saw the beginning of the end in her face. As I look at the three pills in the bottle, I try to accept that we will need to “ease” the trauma more times before her memory is gone.

Her strokes caused Dementia and at 84, she continues to slide away. The meds do a good job of controlling anger and aggression. When she unleashes her aggression, emergency meds are becoming the only option. We had never reached for “the emergency” stash and this sinks in as I watch her doze off from the effects. My Gramps can no longer leave the house and I take care of what they need.

Today she did not recognize her own house and thought Gramps abandoned her in some body else’s house. He went to grocery store. She became enraged and very self-destructive by hitting herself in the head saying she would rather be dead than left “here” by herself. I tried to calm her as I always do but today nothing worked. I tried to get her to focus on what I was saying but it was too late, she was lost in her reality. It was a very hard choice but a drug induced calm over self-inflicted harm was the right thing to do.

While waiting for the drug to work, I showed photos of her and my grandfather from 24 years ago, a photo of my father on a pony when he was a child. I took others off the walls to see if she could connect to anything. She recognized my dad but several other family members where a blur. It was so painful to watch her lose touch, it ripped my heart out.

Those four pills where the “holy grail” and they took me back to the night of her stroke when Gramps went home to try to nap and she got upset when he was not there. It took six of us to hold down a 82-year-old barely weighting 100 lbs . Her aggression reached a point she needed restraining. Her arms tied to the bed yet she managed to fight. I used all of my weight, laid on her to hold her down in effort to  finishing restraining her to the bed. I’m yelling at the nurse where the hell is a shot to knock her out. The nurse did not articulate to the doctor the urgency of the situation so he did not approve a sedative. I told her if she could not articulate the need, pass the phone. I would get the message across. The doctor ordered a sedative. I’m like a drunk biker chick who takes no for an answer protecting my Grandparents. I was coming to end of my rope trying to relieve my Granny. Incompetent causes the Cherokee/German, never back down attitude to come out. I spent a minimum of 30 minutes getting her up to date, stressing Granny has meltdowns more often and the doctor should order at least one tab or injection. I must have talked to myself.

Watching her lose touch with reality broke my heart, how could I live without Granny. I’m thankful for time we spent together no matter how painful. I focus on the good moments and not rehash difficult days likes this.

XO  M

Throw Back Thursday (Wednesday) *Let’s Get Rocked*

I hit pay dirt this week. The first two are in pre-release, I think both drop later this month.  David Gilmore doesn’t have a video. None of the bands are new, you’ve heard many of their tunes here. The last video is my Guitar Hero, Eric Clapton. He sounded great even thru one ear. I not happy with Bose right now.

If the music captures you, download and get your rock on anytime. Eric caresses the strings perfectly, I lose myself  every time.

Grab your beverage along with a nice assortment of cheese, bread and toppings. 

I wasn’t drinking any beverages posting today, just forgot what day it was. Music is the good for you fruit. Eric Clapton doesn’t sound as perfect as liked, I could not pass up the best solo I’ve hear.   

A shout out to a Dragon friend of mine.   XO Melinda

I’m Blessed To Celebrate My Birthday With You *I get stronger every birthday*

Worhol Wall

Glimpse Of Warhol Wall

Verna Falls Yosemite Nation ParK

Painted Verna Falls Yosemite National ParK

I hope everyone has a great day. Everyone can celebrate the blessing of today. It’s fun posting photo prints, you can see my interest outside of WP. You can see another side of me.

Let’s Celebrate the day together.

XO  M

Throw Back Thursday *Killer Tunes and Sunset in Gulf Shores*

Summer in Gulf Springs, AL

Sunset in Gulf Shores, AL

I look forward to Thursday, hearing music and remembering the generation makes me happy. The Steven Tyler tune released a few days ago. It’s a song from the soul, love, yearning. In my mind. What do you think? The other songs are in my Top 100 list. The photo is a reminder to protect yourself against ticks and fly’s. Lyme Disease is in every state in the USA, growing rapidly across Europe.

Grab your drink of choice, maybe beer or a light wine. Relax in your favorite lounging spot. Let’s Rock!   XO M

 

 

 

Caregiver Tips I Missed *What I Know Now*

I wrote the post 12/23/2009, Gramps died a year later. Many people are finding themselves in a caregiver role. I’ll post several on my experiences as the caregiver.  Breath. 

As mentioned in earlier post I care for my 92-year-old grandfather, I’ve been here for five weeks. Here are a few lessons I missed in the Caregiver 101 manual.

*Ask the doctor what happens if the procedure does not work.
*If a second procedure fails does not work, is there a third option.
*What is the recovery time and what type of home health services needed.

Gramps went in for non-invasive surgery, nothing prepared me for the outcome. I’ve been through many surgeries with my grandfather. The procedure had not performed before however it was non-invasive. It actually sounded the least complicated procedure to date. I forgot nothing is normal or non -invasive at 92 years old. We went from going home that afternoon, to having three surgeries over the next seven days. I made the mistake of thinking the procedure would go as they had in the past. Age makes all the difference, just five years at this stage in life can change everything.

I’m blessed to spend this time with my grandfather. We still have a long road ahead. It is very emotional and testing my patience I’ve become the parent and he doesn’t like me telling him anything especially when to take his medicine. He has raised his voice more in the past month than in my lifetime. It’s hard to take it in stride. The stress has triggered my depression so I struggle to keep myself in check and take care of my grandfather.

XO M